My couch and I have issues. Don’t get me wrong–it has its good points. It’s white, and I always wanted a white couch. It’s a designer couch that we bought from someone who stages houses for real estate companies, so it was basically new when we bought it. And it keeps us from having to sit on the floor, which I suppose I should be grateful for. In general, it’s a nice couch.
Appearances can be deceiving.
The double row of pillows on the back isn’t attached, and they move all over the place. They also come out so far that you’re basically sitting on half of the cushion. And the bottom cushions slide out when you sit on them so that they look like a kid with his socks flopping off the end of his feet (Pet peeve alert!) My people have decided that the best way to deal with the uncomfortable couch is to throw the cushions on the floor, which takes my crazy to whole new level.
This picture is what my couch looks like 58 times a day. I straighten it up, and five seconds later someone has done this to it. And for some strange, unexplainable reason, I am the only person who knows how to put things back. If you don’t think this is a reason to lose your schnitzel, then you’re doing it wrong.
Dan doesn’t think it’s uncomfortable at all, but I’ve decided that it’s because he doesn’t actually sit on it. He sits in the recliner and looks over and thinks “Wow. That’s a really comfortable couch.”
I’ve decided that the couch needs a makeover. A new couch isn’t really in the budget right now, and besides, there’s not really anything wrong with it other than it is uncomfortable. And my people think they live in a frat house, but that’s not a problem with the furniture, it’s a problem with the people.
I obviously need some sort of idea if I’m going to turn this into the couch of my dreams (or at least make it more comfortable), so I started looking for ideas.
This is an actual thing.
I found it here, but sadly it seems that it’s no longer available. You can’t tell me that it wouldn’t be crazy comfortable. And it would most certainly serve as a conversation starter. Or render people speechless when they walk in. Either way–it’s bound to get noticed, right?
Then there’s this one. I’m sorry if you have nightmares.
I think it’s part of the “Crazy Cat Lady Starter Kit”, but it could also be a free gift when you purchase the “Do-it-yourself Arsenic and Old Lace” package. I couldn’t tell, because…well…my eyes were burning.
Obviously, my people are more important than having a couch that doesn’t look like it’s been wrestled into submission 58 times a day, right? (Seriously–I had to think about that for a bit. It’s been a long couple of weeks).
I’m thinking a slipcover and some pillow surgery is in order. I’m not exactly sure how to make that happen, but I do love a challenge. And if I don’t figure it out…there’s always this.
I have so many questions. Why? Who buys this stuff? Was chest hair really necessary? And why is he biting his own ear?
I have no answers. And I probably owe you an apology, because you’ll never be able to unsee that. Look on the bright side. I could have written an entire post about the Romphim.
“Have I gone mad?”
“I’m afraid so.
You’re entirely Bonkers.
But I will tell you a secret,
All the best people are.”
― Lewis Carroll,